Instead of doing one long blog post about how to help parents navigate the world of social media, I decided it would be better to split it up into segments. Here's part one of this series.
I taught a class session at Meck about a year ago focused on boundaries with teenagers. My role was to provide insight on the issues related to technology. While researching, thinking, and praying through what to teach in that class the first thing that I felt prompted to remind parents is to TAKE BACK THE ROLE OF PARENT. Let me tell you how I related this to social media and technology.
When we were teenagers we didn't have the internet, Facebook, and Youtube. We didn't have cell phones and smart phones. We didn't have video games connected to the internet. Let's face it...teenagers probably know more about all this stuff than we do, but that doesn't mean they should have the right to use these devices any way they choose. We need to be aware that some of media being consumed by our teenagers is unhealthy, and they need to be guided by parents to help them filter out the bad from the good. Here are a couple a short reasons why we need to think about all of this:
1) Proverbs 22:6 tells us "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." It is God's desire that we guide younger generations to live for Him. I know it is so much easier to turn the other way. We think that we'll choose our battles and this doesn't seem to be that serious. If we can learn anything from recent news about the lives of teenagers it is that this is a big deal. Cyber-bullying, sexting (sending naked pictures of yourself or others via text message), and the mass quantities of easily accessible internet pornography are just a few reasons why our teens need guidance facing the challenges of media.
2) Many teenagers have split personalities...one in real life and one online. I've gotten to know so many high school students in person, and then I am completely surprised at the alter-ego I see from them online. It's two completely different people. We may believe that certain teens are doing fine and seems like a great person, but their online life tells a different story about what is really going on in their hearts.
So what should we do? I will go more into specific detail in future posts, but to start things off... try to be a part of their world. Listen to your child's music, watch their television shows, randomly check their text messages, read television show and movie reviews, become their friend on Facebook, read their blogs...basically get to know what is influencing your son or daughter and what image they are portraying online. This is a big first step in helping guide your child towards Godly living in these areas.
So where's the push-back? What are some of our excuses why we don't I'm sure there are more reasons than this but I wanted to speak briefly to a couple reasons why parents don't
1) It's too much work. I'll be honest...it is a lot of work. Raising a teenager is a lot of work, and raising them to follow God is even more work. Technology is advancing faster than we can keep up. And if I am unable to monitor everything my child does, then why try? The answer to that question is another question: is your son or daughter worth the effort?
2) What about my child's privacy? Here's what I have to say to that question? It is not their computer, their cell phone, their internet, their television, and their music if they didn't pay for them...they are yours. Monitor, limit, and maybe even eliminate entirely what your son or daughter is accessing technologically. Limit how often they are online and where they access the internet (it's a lot more difficult to look up pornography in the family living room). Monitor what websites they visit. Set up expectations and boundaries.
Now before going to the extreme and exhibiting full fledged iron fist control, think and pray through what steps you need to take because if your child is not used to your presence in this area of your life you may need to ease into this slowly They may think it's unfair, but as we end this let me tell you what I think would be more unfair. It would be unfair to allow someone to walk into something that's going to hurt them when we know better and can do something about it. It would be unfair for us sit back and withhold advice based on our maturity and experience that would be beneficial to teenagers simply because it might stir the waters a little bit. God has given you a great responsibility in raising children. Let's look to Him for strength and guidance and take back the role as parent in the lives of teenagers.
I hope this was helpful. May God bless you as you navigate the world of teen culture.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Media Monkeys 2 & 3
Sorry for lagging on the post from last week. I'll combine our two messages into this post here.
At REALife we have been taking a look into the messages that we hear from media outlets such as music, movies, television, magazines, and internet. This has been a great series to help students really question the messages they are hearing in the media and compare them to the messages that God wants us to hear.
Last week we talked about the unrealistic expectations we receive from movies and television. Think of the television shows that portray high school students, such as Glee, Gossip Girl, and High School Musical. The actors that are supposed to portray high school students, ages 14-18 years old, are actually more often in their mid to late 20's. So while actual high school students are struggling with developing bodies, acne, voice change, etc., the "high school students" they see on TV and movies are not struggling with any of that...because they are 25 years old. This may not sound like that big of a deal, but think about how actual high school students can respond to these unrealistic portrayals: "My body doesn't look like that...what's wrong with me." "Why do I have acne when no high school students on TV have it?" Our teens are being fed unrealistic expectations of what they are supposed to look like and who they are supposed to be. It is important for us to acknowledge the truth that the phase of life they are in is normal. God created them the way that they are, and they shouldn't compare themselves to actors on TV who are older than they are.
This past weekend we took a look into consumerism in the media. While adults are often times tied down with how to spend their money due to house payments, bills, and other expenses, teenagers have more discretionary income. Teenagers are more likely to spend their money on food, clothing, and entertainment. Marketers are well aware of this, and are targeting much of their advertisements to teens and children (check out this new way to see a $30,000 car through this form of advertising: http://tinyurl.com/3969orl). Media outlets bombard teenagers with advertisements in hopes of grabbing the allegiance of a consumer at a young age . While advertising is not bad in itself we have to be aware of the effects that advertising can have on our teenagers. How many of you have seen an advertisement and thought "how much better would my life be if I had that?" So often we get the idea in our head that we will be happy once we get _______, or our life will be so much more complete once we buy______. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 that our possessions here on earth are going to fade away. In the very consumerist society we live in it is important to teach our teens that true joy and happiness isn't found in the things that we buy, but in a life lived for Jesus.
At the beginning of this series I intended to incorporate some insight for parents about social networking sites. The series turned a slightly different direction, but check back soon for details that can help you better understand how to engage your son or daughter's use of social networking.
At REALife we have been taking a look into the messages that we hear from media outlets such as music, movies, television, magazines, and internet. This has been a great series to help students really question the messages they are hearing in the media and compare them to the messages that God wants us to hear.
Last week we talked about the unrealistic expectations we receive from movies and television. Think of the television shows that portray high school students, such as Glee, Gossip Girl, and High School Musical. The actors that are supposed to portray high school students, ages 14-18 years old, are actually more often in their mid to late 20's. So while actual high school students are struggling with developing bodies, acne, voice change, etc., the "high school students" they see on TV and movies are not struggling with any of that...because they are 25 years old. This may not sound like that big of a deal, but think about how actual high school students can respond to these unrealistic portrayals: "My body doesn't look like that...what's wrong with me." "Why do I have acne when no high school students on TV have it?" Our teens are being fed unrealistic expectations of what they are supposed to look like and who they are supposed to be. It is important for us to acknowledge the truth that the phase of life they are in is normal. God created them the way that they are, and they shouldn't compare themselves to actors on TV who are older than they are.
This past weekend we took a look into consumerism in the media. While adults are often times tied down with how to spend their money due to house payments, bills, and other expenses, teenagers have more discretionary income. Teenagers are more likely to spend their money on food, clothing, and entertainment. Marketers are well aware of this, and are targeting much of their advertisements to teens and children (check out this new way to see a $30,000 car through this form of advertising: http://tinyurl.com/3969orl). Media outlets bombard teenagers with advertisements in hopes of grabbing the allegiance of a consumer at a young age . While advertising is not bad in itself we have to be aware of the effects that advertising can have on our teenagers. How many of you have seen an advertisement and thought "how much better would my life be if I had that?" So often we get the idea in our head that we will be happy once we get _______, or our life will be so much more complete once we buy______. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 that our possessions here on earth are going to fade away. In the very consumerist society we live in it is important to teach our teens that true joy and happiness isn't found in the things that we buy, but in a life lived for Jesus.
At the beginning of this series I intended to incorporate some insight for parents about social networking sites. The series turned a slightly different direction, but check back soon for details that can help you better understand how to engage your son or daughter's use of social networking.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Media Monkeys
As you may already know, we started a series this past weekend called "Media Monkeys." The point of the series is to identify some of the messages that we hear from the media and compare them to the messages that God wants us to hear.
This weekend we talked about the media's portrayal of religion. Topics of spirituality are pretty common in music, movies, television, and print. It is important to help our teens identify the messages they are receiving and compare them to God's Word to see if they are accurate. Now, there are so many different messages that we hear from media sources all the time. It would take quite a while to address and explain them all. Here are a few of the ones we touched on at REALife. Use these as a launching point to talk with your son or daughter about the messages they are hearing from the media. As we found at REALife this past weekend, this is a topic that really gets students talking.
Here are three of the messages we hear from the media...
1) God doesn't matter - Remove "Christian" movies and music from the conversation and think about the movies/music/tv shows that you watch. God and Christian values are not popular topics of conversation in media outlets. What message does this send to teenagers? From my perspective, it sends several messages: a) God isn't important, b) God isn't interesting, c) God isn't fun... basically to summarize these messages, God doesn't matter in my life. If God isn't important enough to sing about, if He isn't important enough to bring up in television or movies, if He isn't a part of the lives of celebrities in People magazine, then why should He be a part of my life? The absence of God in media is a subtle message that is playing itself out in very un-subtle ways. Our teens do not feel like God matters because that's how the media portrays Him. This is not the message that God wants us to hear. As parents and Christians we need to show teens that God means something to us.
2) Faith doesn't impact my life - There is a common duality in the world of celebrities that is portrayed to us through the media. Teens see a celebrity who they know sings about drug use or promiscuous sex, but at the VMA's (video music awards) they first would like to thank God for this great achievement. The message that we hear from this is that faith plays no real role in my life. The message we hear is "yes I'm a Christian, but that isn't going to change the way that I live." This, again, is not the message God is telling us. God wants to transform out lives, and it's important for us to identify what actions demonstrate obedience to God and what actions push us farther away from Him.
3) God is something that He is not - When God is represented in the media, He is usually misrepresented. For instance, a recent episode of the television show "Glee" played off the not so new phenomenon of finding the image of Jesus burned into a grilled cheese sandwich (a grilled "cheesus"). The character on the show named Finn proceeds to pray to this Jesus image to ask for things that he wants (to win a football game, to become quarterback again, and interestingly enough for sexual progression with his girlfriend). This episode was in no way pushing the understanding that God is in a grilled cheese sandwich (it seemed more like a joke than anything else), and the bigger issue I saw was the common understanding among teens to only go to God when the want something. To many teens, God is a cosmic vending machine whose only purpose is to give them what they want, and when they don't get what they want it proves to them that God isn't there. When the media portrays God to be something He's not, it's important to talk with teens about the truth of who God really is to combat inaccurate messages they would otherwise believe.
I hope that these few points start to get you thinking about what messages our teens are hearing from their media sources on a daily basis. Let this be a wake-up call to all of us to speak to teens about these messages they are hearing, and let's try to bring the truth of scripture into the conversation. Stay tuned in the upcoming weeks for more posts related to media, teens, and faith.
This weekend we talked about the media's portrayal of religion. Topics of spirituality are pretty common in music, movies, television, and print. It is important to help our teens identify the messages they are receiving and compare them to God's Word to see if they are accurate. Now, there are so many different messages that we hear from media sources all the time. It would take quite a while to address and explain them all. Here are a few of the ones we touched on at REALife. Use these as a launching point to talk with your son or daughter about the messages they are hearing from the media. As we found at REALife this past weekend, this is a topic that really gets students talking.
Here are three of the messages we hear from the media...
1) God doesn't matter - Remove "Christian" movies and music from the conversation and think about the movies/music/tv shows that you watch. God and Christian values are not popular topics of conversation in media outlets. What message does this send to teenagers? From my perspective, it sends several messages: a) God isn't important, b) God isn't interesting, c) God isn't fun... basically to summarize these messages, God doesn't matter in my life. If God isn't important enough to sing about, if He isn't important enough to bring up in television or movies, if He isn't a part of the lives of celebrities in People magazine, then why should He be a part of my life? The absence of God in media is a subtle message that is playing itself out in very un-subtle ways. Our teens do not feel like God matters because that's how the media portrays Him. This is not the message that God wants us to hear. As parents and Christians we need to show teens that God means something to us.
2) Faith doesn't impact my life - There is a common duality in the world of celebrities that is portrayed to us through the media. Teens see a celebrity who they know sings about drug use or promiscuous sex, but at the VMA's (video music awards) they first would like to thank God for this great achievement. The message that we hear from this is that faith plays no real role in my life. The message we hear is "yes I'm a Christian, but that isn't going to change the way that I live." This, again, is not the message God is telling us. God wants to transform out lives, and it's important for us to identify what actions demonstrate obedience to God and what actions push us farther away from Him.
3) God is something that He is not - When God is represented in the media, He is usually misrepresented. For instance, a recent episode of the television show "Glee" played off the not so new phenomenon of finding the image of Jesus burned into a grilled cheese sandwich (a grilled "cheesus"). The character on the show named Finn proceeds to pray to this Jesus image to ask for things that he wants (to win a football game, to become quarterback again, and interestingly enough for sexual progression with his girlfriend). This episode was in no way pushing the understanding that God is in a grilled cheese sandwich (it seemed more like a joke than anything else), and the bigger issue I saw was the common understanding among teens to only go to God when the want something. To many teens, God is a cosmic vending machine whose only purpose is to give them what they want, and when they don't get what they want it proves to them that God isn't there. When the media portrays God to be something He's not, it's important to talk with teens about the truth of who God really is to combat inaccurate messages they would otherwise believe.
I hope that these few points start to get you thinking about what messages our teens are hearing from their media sources on a daily basis. Let this be a wake-up call to all of us to speak to teens about these messages they are hearing, and let's try to bring the truth of scripture into the conversation. Stay tuned in the upcoming weeks for more posts related to media, teens, and faith.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Lost Childhood
Lately I've been reflecting on the messages our teenagers are receiving from a wide variety of media sources. These messages come at our students from all angles, both obviously and subliminally. I have been planning a new series for the past couple of weeks designed to shed light on these messages that our students receive on a regular basis. I'm calling it "Media Monkeys," and during this series I will be showing clips from popular movies and tv shows, showing clips from magazine covers, playing sections of today's popular music, and discussing some of the downsides of the internet. This series is designed to point out the lies we hear from these media sources as well as discuss how to see God's truth and beauty through these sources as well. I will be updating this blog weekly during those weeks as well as providing other tools and information for you as parents to be informed on these issues. So stay tuned...
And along those lines our senior pastor Jim White put out a blog post today on the topic of "Growing up Younger." This post discusses the movement of our culture that pushes kids to move to adulthood at a much younger age. It's a great read. Check it out by CLICKING HERE.
And along those lines our senior pastor Jim White put out a blog post today on the topic of "Growing up Younger." This post discusses the movement of our culture that pushes kids to move to adulthood at a much younger age. It's a great read. Check it out by CLICKING HERE.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
bullying
I just recently read the following article about bullying. It is so sad to think that there are students out there who are ridiculed on a regular basis. Please read this article and think about three things:
1) how can you speak God's love into the life of your son or daughter's to help combat any ridicule and bullying that they might be experiencing?
2) how can you challenge your son or daughter to stand up for other students being bullied?
3) how can you use this article as a way to speak to your son or daughter to ensure that they are not a part of this problem?
Please be praying for our high school students...they need God's love in their lives.
Click HERE to view the article
1) how can you speak God's love into the life of your son or daughter's to help combat any ridicule and bullying that they might be experiencing?
2) how can you challenge your son or daughter to stand up for other students being bullied?
3) how can you use this article as a way to speak to your son or daughter to ensure that they are not a part of this problem?
Please be praying for our high school students...they need God's love in their lives.
Click HERE to view the article
Monday, October 4, 2010
CHURCH
Every once in a while I get the question... "is REALife ever going to switch times to meet during the adult services?" This is a great question, and let me let you know my thoughts on this...
Having our high school service along side of our adult weekend services would be like killing two birds with one stone right? I mean that would make things so easy. The adults get their service and the students get their service and there's no more driving back to the church to get kids to REALife. While I understand that simultaneous services would make things easier on family's schedules I believe there is far more benefits to our current situation, and here's a big reason why:
I highly encourage you to attend weekend services as a family. High school students are at a place where they can really relate to adult issues, and those issues are actually a big part of their lives. Just think of the topics pastor Jim covered this past month... anger, patience, perseverance, favoritism, and making our faith a part of our lives. In my opinion every high school student needs to hear about these topics. And it is so highly beneficial for the family to attend together. This allows for faith based conversations to more easily flow through the family and provide more opportunities for family unity (not only attending together, but possibly serving at a service together, eating a meal together before or after the service, etc.).
So what, if any, is the value of students also attending REALife if they already attend an adult weekend service? Great question. There are several aspects to our REALife services that I feel are highly beneficial for the life of a high school student. Let me address a few of them here:
(1) Our content is directly relevant to high school life. All sermons and content of the service is designed with a high school student in mind. We try to get into their world and show them that God can be a part of it.
(2) Our ministry is highly relational. We have 20+ adult leaders who are connecting with students to help them relate faith to their lives, discuss the issues they deal with, and show them God's love. Students thrive on these relationships, and are the way they best grow in their faith.
(3) Our services aim to foster an authentic sense of Christian community among high school students. Students need to know they are not alone. They need to see that there are other high school students who believe in Jesus, who struggle with tough issues, and who are just searching for answers. We hope to provide that community where students can connect with other students in a safe and welcoming environment.
(4) Our REALife service gives the students an avenue to practice outreach on their own. We challenge our students to tell their friend about Jesus and invite them to REALife. This is so beneficial for their faith now, but also helps give them practice for when they move on to college and beyond and need to know what it's like to grow in their faith without parental supervision.
So, I just wanted to put it out there. There is so much value to attending services as a family, and there is so much value in encouraging high school students to attend REALife to better help them learn how to grow in their faith for when they move on to be on their own. Please feel free to email me with any other questions related to this. Have a great day.
Having our high school service along side of our adult weekend services would be like killing two birds with one stone right? I mean that would make things so easy. The adults get their service and the students get their service and there's no more driving back to the church to get kids to REALife. While I understand that simultaneous services would make things easier on family's schedules I believe there is far more benefits to our current situation, and here's a big reason why:
I highly encourage you to attend weekend services as a family. High school students are at a place where they can really relate to adult issues, and those issues are actually a big part of their lives. Just think of the topics pastor Jim covered this past month... anger, patience, perseverance, favoritism, and making our faith a part of our lives. In my opinion every high school student needs to hear about these topics. And it is so highly beneficial for the family to attend together. This allows for faith based conversations to more easily flow through the family and provide more opportunities for family unity (not only attending together, but possibly serving at a service together, eating a meal together before or after the service, etc.).
So what, if any, is the value of students also attending REALife if they already attend an adult weekend service? Great question. There are several aspects to our REALife services that I feel are highly beneficial for the life of a high school student. Let me address a few of them here:
(1) Our content is directly relevant to high school life. All sermons and content of the service is designed with a high school student in mind. We try to get into their world and show them that God can be a part of it.
(2) Our ministry is highly relational. We have 20+ adult leaders who are connecting with students to help them relate faith to their lives, discuss the issues they deal with, and show them God's love. Students thrive on these relationships, and are the way they best grow in their faith.
(3) Our services aim to foster an authentic sense of Christian community among high school students. Students need to know they are not alone. They need to see that there are other high school students who believe in Jesus, who struggle with tough issues, and who are just searching for answers. We hope to provide that community where students can connect with other students in a safe and welcoming environment.
(4) Our REALife service gives the students an avenue to practice outreach on their own. We challenge our students to tell their friend about Jesus and invite them to REALife. This is so beneficial for their faith now, but also helps give them practice for when they move on to college and beyond and need to know what it's like to grow in their faith without parental supervision.
So, I just wanted to put it out there. There is so much value to attending services as a family, and there is so much value in encouraging high school students to attend REALife to better help them learn how to grow in their faith for when they move on to be on their own. Please feel free to email me with any other questions related to this. Have a great day.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Baptism
Before I update you on a very important topic, I wanted to let you know you can now download our "Daily Dose of Awesome" on the Parent Resources section of our website. These are follow-up readings that relate to the topics we cover at REALife, and they are a great resource to start spiritual conversations with your son or daughter. I hope you enjoy them.
Coming up the weekend of October 16 & 17 we will be having an all-Meck baptism. Baptism is a very important part of the life of a Christian. It is the visible expression of a life commitment to Jesus as Lord and Savior. In the Bible throughout the entire New Testament we see that every new believer was baptized as a symbol of the decision they have made to follow Jesus. In our current culture, many people have lost site of the value of baptism in the life of a Christian. If your son or daughter, or even anyone else in your family, is a Christian but has not been baptized I would strongly encourage you to look more into this event coming up at Meck. I would love to answer any more questions you might have about it, or we also provide a free cd where our senior pastor Jim White outlines a Biblical view on baptism and answers many of the common questions that most people have. Check out the following link for more information or to register. I hope to see you there. I'll be the guy by the pool cheering you on!
http://mecklenburg.org/upcoming.asp
Coming up the weekend of October 16 & 17 we will be having an all-Meck baptism. Baptism is a very important part of the life of a Christian. It is the visible expression of a life commitment to Jesus as Lord and Savior. In the Bible throughout the entire New Testament we see that every new believer was baptized as a symbol of the decision they have made to follow Jesus. In our current culture, many people have lost site of the value of baptism in the life of a Christian. If your son or daughter, or even anyone else in your family, is a Christian but has not been baptized I would strongly encourage you to look more into this event coming up at Meck. I would love to answer any more questions you might have about it, or we also provide a free cd where our senior pastor Jim White outlines a Biblical view on baptism and answers many of the common questions that most people have. Check out the following link for more information or to register. I hope to see you there. I'll be the guy by the pool cheering you on!
http://mecklenburg.org/upcoming.asp
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Getting Involved
I've been at this long enough to experience plenty of interactions with parents that go something like this: "Robby, my son or daughter is going through ________. What should I do?"
First I would like to commend any parent who does this. It shows so much care and humility to go to someone else for help when you realize that you do not have the answer yourself. Too often we think we have all the answers, or worse yet, too often we are embarrassed to let others in on the fact that we have issues. The truth is we all have issues. They're nothing to be embarrassed about...they're something to seek help for both from God and from others.
Most problems we face don't have simple answers, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to most problems because every person and every situation is different. There is, however, one piece of advice (besides prayer) that I have found to be very beneficial in helping parents deal with issues related to their teens...get involved in their lives.
Find out what they like. Get to know their friends. Find out what their passions are. Find out what really makes them upset. Ask them what honestly goes down at their schools. Watch shows that they like. Listen to their music. Doing these things shows that you care about who they are and what is going on in their lives. And doing this gives you the weight to have the guidance and direction you give them mean something because it is coming from someone who cares about them.
When you get involved in your teens world, don't forget to discuss issues of faith. No matter how much or how little you know about God or the Bible, conversations about faith are something that teenagers need...especially from their parents. If this is something new to you I wanted to give you a tool to help in the process. Each week at REALife I have been giving out what I call "The Daily Dose of Awesome." These are short and simple follow up readings and questions related to what we are discussing during our services. The students will have these at their disposal, and starting this week I will put the same sheet on the "Parent Resources" of our website for you to download. Feel free to use these as a means to foster discussion with your son or daughter about their faith. I hope they are a help for you.
I don't know yet what it's like to be a parent of a teenager, but I do know a lot about a teenager's world. So much of the effort you put in now may not show positive results until years down the line. But please take heart, and know that God sees the effort you put into raising your children, and He will be with you in the process.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
First I would like to commend any parent who does this. It shows so much care and humility to go to someone else for help when you realize that you do not have the answer yourself. Too often we think we have all the answers, or worse yet, too often we are embarrassed to let others in on the fact that we have issues. The truth is we all have issues. They're nothing to be embarrassed about...they're something to seek help for both from God and from others.
Most problems we face don't have simple answers, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to most problems because every person and every situation is different. There is, however, one piece of advice (besides prayer) that I have found to be very beneficial in helping parents deal with issues related to their teens...get involved in their lives.
Find out what they like. Get to know their friends. Find out what their passions are. Find out what really makes them upset. Ask them what honestly goes down at their schools. Watch shows that they like. Listen to their music. Doing these things shows that you care about who they are and what is going on in their lives. And doing this gives you the weight to have the guidance and direction you give them mean something because it is coming from someone who cares about them.
When you get involved in your teens world, don't forget to discuss issues of faith. No matter how much or how little you know about God or the Bible, conversations about faith are something that teenagers need...especially from their parents. If this is something new to you I wanted to give you a tool to help in the process. Each week at REALife I have been giving out what I call "The Daily Dose of Awesome." These are short and simple follow up readings and questions related to what we are discussing during our services. The students will have these at their disposal, and starting this week I will put the same sheet on the "Parent Resources" of our website for you to download. Feel free to use these as a means to foster discussion with your son or daughter about their faith. I hope they are a help for you.
I don't know yet what it's like to be a parent of a teenager, but I do know a lot about a teenager's world. So much of the effort you put in now may not show positive results until years down the line. But please take heart, and know that God sees the effort you put into raising your children, and He will be with you in the process.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Meck Membership
I posted a note on our Facebook page to our students about church membership at Meck. We have our membership class this weekend called "TEAMlife." If you are not a member, please see how the following note applies to you and your family. If you are already a member, but your son or daughter is not, I want to encourage you to talk with them about what it means to become a member at Meck.
-------------Facebook Note---------------
Hey REALife.
I love our high school ministry. High school students are so awesome, and I know that for you students its so great to have people your own age to hang out with and discuss issues related to faith. REALife is such a great part of my life.
But I believe very strongly that REALife is NOT a separate ministry in itself, but we are a part of our bigger church family, which we call Meck. The church is comprised of black and white, rich and poor, male and female, and young and old. It's not just the adults at Meck who can make a difference. REALife high school students have the potential to greatly influence the rest of the church and our city. Your energy, passion, and enthusiasm for God is contagious, and that is exactly what our church needs.
If you have been around Meck for a while, or even if you've only been around for a little bit and you just love our church, I want to strongly encourage you to think about becoming a member at Meck. Church membership is a person's way of acknowledging that Christianity is more than just themselves...it means being a part of a larger church family. It's joining a team of people united in reaching the city and Charlotte and the world for Jesus.
If you are interested in looking more into church membership at Meck, there is a class this weekend, Saturday Sept. 18 from 9am-12pm. Attending doesn't require you to become a member, but it does explain what it means in depth. Go ahead and check out the website below and look up the event details of "TEAMlife" which is our membership class. This link will also give you the option to register for the class.
I hope you check this class out. As a member of Meck for the past four years, I can tell you that I love being a part of something so much bigger than myself, and we would love for you to join the team.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Can you hear me now...good.
This summer proved to be an amazing time for fostering community within our high school ministry. It was amazing to go on Facebook and see how much our students continue to hang out with each other, even with less REALife events to keep them connected. I am seeing a beautiful sense of Godly friendship and encouragement happening with our students...I hope you are seeing the same.
I wanted to let you in on the secret to why I feel our students are connecting so much. It all has to do with S'CAMP this summer. Every Thursday night at camp I give the students time to express themselves. I give them a chance to stand up in front of their peers and tell them what God has showed them throughout the week. Every year this turns into such an amazing time of encouragement, but this year was off the hook. Students started sharing about their deep hurts, their biggest worries, their difficult situations, and their desire and need for God. It was truly a special time. But what made it all that much more amazing was that the students listening to the stories being told responded with love and grace. At the end of the time of sharing their stories a large majority of the students said that they felt like they were at this camp with family...that's how connected they felt to each other.
Why am I telling you this? I learned a valuable life lesson by witnessing this experience. Students want to be heard. Your son or daughter wants to be heard, and they want to be heard by someone who will listen and respond with love, grace, and encouragement. High School students are going through a lot. We may think "well, not my son or daughter...they have it all together." That might be the case but here are two things you need to think about. (1) Students are good at hiding A LOT of things from their parents. How much did you hide from your parents when you were their age? (2) Your son or daughter may be doing great, but they have friends who are struggling, and if their friends are struggling, your child will be hurting with them (they are super connected).
One last thing before I go...
Can you think about this question for me:
Is there any reason why your son or daughter would not want to talk to you about what is going on in their life?
This is a big question. Students are afraid of what their parents might think about them after they tell you what's going on. They're afraid of what you might do to them. They're afraid that you won't listen or won't understand. They're afraid...but they need you. They need to be heard, and, in my opinion, you are the best person for the job.
This takes time...it takes effort. If your son or daughter does not already talk to you about their life (serious issues...not just sports), then you will need to build that trust and reassure them again and again that you are a safe place for them to go.
You can do it. I believe in you, and I am praying for you.
I wanted to let you in on the secret to why I feel our students are connecting so much. It all has to do with S'CAMP this summer. Every Thursday night at camp I give the students time to express themselves. I give them a chance to stand up in front of their peers and tell them what God has showed them throughout the week. Every year this turns into such an amazing time of encouragement, but this year was off the hook. Students started sharing about their deep hurts, their biggest worries, their difficult situations, and their desire and need for God. It was truly a special time. But what made it all that much more amazing was that the students listening to the stories being told responded with love and grace. At the end of the time of sharing their stories a large majority of the students said that they felt like they were at this camp with family...that's how connected they felt to each other.
Why am I telling you this? I learned a valuable life lesson by witnessing this experience. Students want to be heard. Your son or daughter wants to be heard, and they want to be heard by someone who will listen and respond with love, grace, and encouragement. High School students are going through a lot. We may think "well, not my son or daughter...they have it all together." That might be the case but here are two things you need to think about. (1) Students are good at hiding A LOT of things from their parents. How much did you hide from your parents when you were their age? (2) Your son or daughter may be doing great, but they have friends who are struggling, and if their friends are struggling, your child will be hurting with them (they are super connected).
One last thing before I go...
Can you think about this question for me:
Is there any reason why your son or daughter would not want to talk to you about what is going on in their life?
This is a big question. Students are afraid of what their parents might think about them after they tell you what's going on. They're afraid of what you might do to them. They're afraid that you won't listen or won't understand. They're afraid...but they need you. They need to be heard, and, in my opinion, you are the best person for the job.
This takes time...it takes effort. If your son or daughter does not already talk to you about their life (serious issues...not just sports), then you will need to build that trust and reassure them again and again that you are a safe place for them to go.
You can do it. I believe in you, and I am praying for you.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Coping...or something like it
Hey REALife Parents.
I included in my Parent email two weeks ago that we have started a new series called "Coping...or something like it." I am really excited about this series, and it has already given students an avenue to discuss their issues and the issues that surround them in their schools. We discussed drugs, alcohol, and tobacco this past weekend, and during our small groups the students had so much to say about just how prevalent these substances are all around them. This is a serious topic, and I can tell you from the stories that I've heard that our students need guidance and accountability. They need to hear from you just how important it is to say "no" to these things. They need help from all of us adults so that they can constantly hear how damaging these substances can be for their health and their future. And most importantly, they need our guidance to see that Jesus is the only thing that will fill any void that they have in their life, and that drugs and alcohol are only temporary solutions.
Talk to your son or daughter. Ask them directly if they are using these substances, and if they are please show them love and grace as you help them through quitting. And know that even if you are not talking to them about it, their friends and peers at school are talking to them about it. Hopefully we can have the voice of truth that they listen to in a world dominated by lies.
Please contact me if you need any additional resources in this area, or you may also contact our Meck Counselor, Kelly, at kstilwell@mecklenburg.org for further counseling.
I included in my Parent email two weeks ago that we have started a new series called "Coping...or something like it." I am really excited about this series, and it has already given students an avenue to discuss their issues and the issues that surround them in their schools. We discussed drugs, alcohol, and tobacco this past weekend, and during our small groups the students had so much to say about just how prevalent these substances are all around them. This is a serious topic, and I can tell you from the stories that I've heard that our students need guidance and accountability. They need to hear from you just how important it is to say "no" to these things. They need help from all of us adults so that they can constantly hear how damaging these substances can be for their health and their future. And most importantly, they need our guidance to see that Jesus is the only thing that will fill any void that they have in their life, and that drugs and alcohol are only temporary solutions.
Talk to your son or daughter. Ask them directly if they are using these substances, and if they are please show them love and grace as you help them through quitting. And know that even if you are not talking to them about it, their friends and peers at school are talking to them about it. Hopefully we can have the voice of truth that they listen to in a world dominated by lies.
Please contact me if you need any additional resources in this area, or you may also contact our Meck Counselor, Kelly, at kstilwell@mecklenburg.org for further counseling.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Yet another Warning
Recenlty I expressed my concern about the website formspringme (seen below), but another website has come to my attention lately that you need to know about. Chatroulette (http://www.chatroulette.com/) is growing in popularity and there are some real dangers with this site. This site works off of web cams and microphones, and you pretty much just click in and your connected with a random stranger. Like Formspringme, the site is completely anonymous, allowing the possibility for your son or daughter to be connected with anybody out there regardless of age and without any safety filter. This article explains a lot (http://tinyurl.com/yhpm8ak) but the friends that I know that have tried this site have seen naked people on the other end on several occasions. This is bad news.
Monday, March 8, 2010
www.formspring.me
Hey REALife Parents.
Every once in a while there comes a trend among teenagers that makes me concerned. I am consistently seeing more of our students involved in this social media website "formspring.me". This site probably has it's positive features to it, and from what I've seen thus far it is used by our students as one of the many ways they represent themselves online. This site is a lot different than others like Facebook. On Facebook you know who is commenting on your wall or sending you messages. On formspring.me people submit anonymous questions to each other. Many of the questions are harmless, sometimes the questions are pretty stupid, and some of the questions I've seen are vulgar and inappropriate. The fact that these inappropriate questions are being asked to our students is wrong by itself, but combine that with the fact that our students have no idea who is sending the messages and this site becomes downright scary.
I would definitely advise for you as parents to ask your son or daughter about this trend. If they have a site, check it out and see the questions they are being asked (anonymously remember!) and the responses they are giving. I think this will be a big surprise to you.
Every once in a while there comes a trend among teenagers that makes me concerned. I am consistently seeing more of our students involved in this social media website "formspring.me". This site probably has it's positive features to it, and from what I've seen thus far it is used by our students as one of the many ways they represent themselves online. This site is a lot different than others like Facebook. On Facebook you know who is commenting on your wall or sending you messages. On formspring.me people submit anonymous questions to each other. Many of the questions are harmless, sometimes the questions are pretty stupid, and some of the questions I've seen are vulgar and inappropriate. The fact that these inappropriate questions are being asked to our students is wrong by itself, but combine that with the fact that our students have no idea who is sending the messages and this site becomes downright scary.
I would definitely advise for you as parents to ask your son or daughter about this trend. If they have a site, check it out and see the questions they are being asked (anonymously remember!) and the responses they are giving. I think this will be a big surprise to you.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Waiting, Dating, and Mating
Hey REALife Parents.
As you may have learned through my email last week and from our website, we just started our Waiting, Dating, and Mating series at REALife. This series covers a wide variety of topics related to sex and dating. This past weekend was great. The students seemed very responsive, and my small group leaders have told me that their groups got to talk through some very good issues.
I wanted to encourage you to use this series to your advantage. If you haven't talked to your son or daughter about sex, use this time to do it. If you haven't talked to your son or daughter about sex in a while, use this series to revitalize that conversation. Students need continually guidance from you as parents, especially in this area that is such a huge issue among teenagers.
I know it can be awkward to discuss these topics with your kids, but know that they are hearing about it and talking about it with their friends, and having your guidance could really make all the difference in their understanding about the issues.
Here are some sample questions you can start with to get the conversation going:
-How much pressure do you feel among your friends or at school to have sex?
-What boundaries have you set up in regards to sex, and why did you set up those boundaries?
-Do you feel like you can come to me (the parent) if you break those boundaries, or even if you just want to talk to me about these things?
-Do you struggle with looking at pornography? (wow, this is a awkward question to ask, but this is a big issue, and approaching it with openness and grace can help your son or daughter through this issue)
Here's an outline of the topics discussed during this past weekend and over the next three weeks. Please let me know if you have any other questions. I would love to talk with you.
February 28 - Singleness, Sexual Language, Lust, Masturbation, Pornography, Forgiveness
March 7 - Dating, Boundaries, Respecting Others, Respecting Yourself, Forgiveness
March 14 - Sex, Boundaries, A Theology of Sex, The Beauty of Sex, The Dangers of Sex, Forgiveness
March 21 - Text Your Questions
Monday, February 8, 2010
A Students Virtual World
Hey REALife Parents.
You are all well aware of the times we live in. We live in an age that is far more technologically advanced than we ever had when we were kids. Our students today are able to live in two different worlds...they live in the physical world with sports, school, family, and friends, but then they also live in a virtual world. Students today are able to create online identities. They are able to become anything they want to be through the way they represent themselves online. And here's the tricky part...often times you're son or daughter can be a completely different person in their virtual world than they are in the physical world. Soft spoken, shy students can be posting extremely inappropriate pictures of themselves online. Well mannered, highly polite students can say some of the most vulgar things on their facebook status update. Strong Christian students who read their Bibles, pray, attend Christian school, etc can be representing the complete opposite of that lifestyle in their virtual world.
I see this all the time. Students I know in the ministry who I believe to be seeking God strongly are completely lost online. It's almost as if students believe that what they type online does not count as it relates to their faith and their physical lives. We know that this is completely not true. What a student is posting online (pictures, comments, status updates, etc.) is a direct representation of what is going on in their heart. We need to be aware of this as adults who seek to guide our students towards God.
So here is my challenge to you. Monitor your students virtual world. When I see a student that I know post an inappropriate comment or picture I send them a private message asking them if they can consider what they did in relation to their faith. I suggest that you do the same thing with your son or daughter. They need this guidance. They need someone to help them think through their thoughts and actions in their virtual world just as much as their physical world.
A couple of tips:
(1) Get involved in your son or daughters virtual world. This may mean creating online accounts like twitter, facebook, www.formspring.me, and others (ask them what sites they are on) with the sole purpose of checking up on them. They may not like this, but it is your right as a parent to do this.
(2) Don't reprimand them publicly. Most social networking sites allow for public or private messaging. Don't call out your son or daughter publicly for the world (and their friends) to see, and make it known that you are questioning them privately because of your respect for them.
(3) Don't simply say "that was wrong and I want you to change it immediately." Help them get to the heart of the issue. I say something like these statements: "today you posted this___________. What happened to make you feel this way? Did you really mean that thing you posted, or was it impulsive? Why do you think I'm asking you about this post? Is that post something that truly represents the love of God for others to see? What can you do in the future to better deal with the feelings you had that made you post that? Have you considered deleting that post?
One last thing...I hope you know that even though confrontation with your son or daughter is difficult sometimes it is so beneficial. Try to push past that feeling to leave it alone and let it fix itself...it won't fix itself. We need to guide these students, and as parents you are able to help lead your son or daughter closer to God through these kind of interactions.
You are all well aware of the times we live in. We live in an age that is far more technologically advanced than we ever had when we were kids. Our students today are able to live in two different worlds...they live in the physical world with sports, school, family, and friends, but then they also live in a virtual world. Students today are able to create online identities. They are able to become anything they want to be through the way they represent themselves online. And here's the tricky part...often times you're son or daughter can be a completely different person in their virtual world than they are in the physical world. Soft spoken, shy students can be posting extremely inappropriate pictures of themselves online. Well mannered, highly polite students can say some of the most vulgar things on their facebook status update. Strong Christian students who read their Bibles, pray, attend Christian school, etc can be representing the complete opposite of that lifestyle in their virtual world.
I see this all the time. Students I know in the ministry who I believe to be seeking God strongly are completely lost online. It's almost as if students believe that what they type online does not count as it relates to their faith and their physical lives. We know that this is completely not true. What a student is posting online (pictures, comments, status updates, etc.) is a direct representation of what is going on in their heart. We need to be aware of this as adults who seek to guide our students towards God.
So here is my challenge to you. Monitor your students virtual world. When I see a student that I know post an inappropriate comment or picture I send them a private message asking them if they can consider what they did in relation to their faith. I suggest that you do the same thing with your son or daughter. They need this guidance. They need someone to help them think through their thoughts and actions in their virtual world just as much as their physical world.
A couple of tips:
(1) Get involved in your son or daughters virtual world. This may mean creating online accounts like twitter, facebook, www.formspring.me, and others (ask them what sites they are on) with the sole purpose of checking up on them. They may not like this, but it is your right as a parent to do this.
(2) Don't reprimand them publicly. Most social networking sites allow for public or private messaging. Don't call out your son or daughter publicly for the world (and their friends) to see, and make it known that you are questioning them privately because of your respect for them.
(3) Don't simply say "that was wrong and I want you to change it immediately." Help them get to the heart of the issue. I say something like these statements: "today you posted this___________. What happened to make you feel this way? Did you really mean that thing you posted, or was it impulsive? Why do you think I'm asking you about this post? Is that post something that truly represents the love of God for others to see? What can you do in the future to better deal with the feelings you had that made you post that? Have you considered deleting that post?
One last thing...I hope you know that even though confrontation with your son or daughter is difficult sometimes it is so beneficial. Try to push past that feeling to leave it alone and let it fix itself...it won't fix itself. We need to guide these students, and as parents you are able to help lead your son or daughter closer to God through these kind of interactions.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Why No Winter Retreat
Hey REALife Parents.
I've had a few questions recently that has made me want to put out an explanation for all of you. The past two years I've had a Winter Retreat for REALife students where we've gone up to Boone and had a weekend of snowboarding, skiing, and fellowship. They have been great trips, but this year we will not be doing this trip for a few reasons. This trip is expensive, totaling in the mid $200's for one weekend because of lodging, transportation, lift tickets, etc. With the economy the way it is I want cancel this trip and encourage students to start saving for our summer camp, which is five days long for around the same cost. Second, because of the cost we rarely get the turnout that we like, so if we can have more than double the amount of students at our free REALife service on Sunday nights I would pick that over the retreat any day. I hope this explains things for you. Please let me know if you have any further questions.
FYI - S'CAMP (Summer Camp) is June 21-25. And it's gonna be awesome.
I've had a few questions recently that has made me want to put out an explanation for all of you. The past two years I've had a Winter Retreat for REALife students where we've gone up to Boone and had a weekend of snowboarding, skiing, and fellowship. They have been great trips, but this year we will not be doing this trip for a few reasons. This trip is expensive, totaling in the mid $200's for one weekend because of lodging, transportation, lift tickets, etc. With the economy the way it is I want cancel this trip and encourage students to start saving for our summer camp, which is five days long for around the same cost. Second, because of the cost we rarely get the turnout that we like, so if we can have more than double the amount of students at our free REALife service on Sunday nights I would pick that over the retreat any day. I hope this explains things for you. Please let me know if you have any further questions.
FYI - S'CAMP (Summer Camp) is June 21-25. And it's gonna be awesome.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
SCAMP Dates are Set
Our Summer Camp dates have been set. We'll be heading back to Myrtle Beach June 21-25. More details will be coming soon, but I'm sure this information will be useful for those of you planning your summer vacations.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Ordering Your Private World
Hello REALife Parents.
I hope that you all were at Meck for the first installment of "Ordering Your Private World." Pastor Jim is presenting a topic that I believe is much needed in our lives. We are a culture of outward appearance. We want to look good to others and make everyone think we have it all together. Because of that we always focus our resolutions on outward aspects of our lives while neglecting the real base of our problems...our inner world. More often than not, our external problems are only symptoms of the real internal problems.
I believe that this topic is crucial for our teenagers today. Our teenagers are growing up in a very distracting world. I interact with our teens and talk to them about their lives. Very few of them take the time to stop for internal reflection to order there inner world. Many students cannot sit for any extended period of time without whipping out their cell phone for a text or game. Many students express to me that they can't pray for a couple minutes without getting bored or distracted by something else. I believe that our students need to take the time to stop and order their private world. The biggest need in this process is stopping to reflect on God and their relationship with Him.
We have a great opportunity during this series to bring up these issues to our teens. We need to encourage them to be at these services. Then, we need to be in dialogue with them about their thoughts on these issues. There are some great questions we can be asking to help our teens think through these issues in there lives. Here are some examples of some starter questions, and hopefully these will spark conversations that help our teens reflect on there inner world and their relationship with God:
-What is going right in your life?
-What is something you wish was different?
-How would you describe your prayer/devotional life?
-What are you most proud of in your life to this point?
-What do you think are your top goals are right now, and what are you doing to reach them?
Let me know how it goes. I love to hear how students are applying these principles in their lives.
I hope that you all were at Meck for the first installment of "Ordering Your Private World." Pastor Jim is presenting a topic that I believe is much needed in our lives. We are a culture of outward appearance. We want to look good to others and make everyone think we have it all together. Because of that we always focus our resolutions on outward aspects of our lives while neglecting the real base of our problems...our inner world. More often than not, our external problems are only symptoms of the real internal problems.
I believe that this topic is crucial for our teenagers today. Our teenagers are growing up in a very distracting world. I interact with our teens and talk to them about their lives. Very few of them take the time to stop for internal reflection to order there inner world. Many students cannot sit for any extended period of time without whipping out their cell phone for a text or game. Many students express to me that they can't pray for a couple minutes without getting bored or distracted by something else. I believe that our students need to take the time to stop and order their private world. The biggest need in this process is stopping to reflect on God and their relationship with Him.
We have a great opportunity during this series to bring up these issues to our teens. We need to encourage them to be at these services. Then, we need to be in dialogue with them about their thoughts on these issues. There are some great questions we can be asking to help our teens think through these issues in there lives. Here are some examples of some starter questions, and hopefully these will spark conversations that help our teens reflect on there inner world and their relationship with God:
-What is going right in your life?
-What is something you wish was different?
-How would you describe your prayer/devotional life?
-What are you most proud of in your life to this point?
-What do you think are your top goals are right now, and what are you doing to reach them?
Let me know how it goes. I love to hear how students are applying these principles in their lives.
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