Unbalanced

We are currently in a series called Waiting, Dating & Mating where we are discussing issues related to love, sex and dating. I get such great feedback from the students on this series and it goes a little something like this:

"Every other church I've been a part of says sex is dirty, gross and wrong. Don't do it. 

But when you're married it's beautiful and awesome. This doesn't make sense to me."

"I came in expecting this to be a series of what not to do. 

Instead it's a series on how to do things right."

Here's an clip from the movie "Mean Girls" to show my point: Click Here

Here's where I believe the church most often misses the point when it comes to talking about sex with its youth. We demonize it. We suppress it. We avoid the topic completely. And even more shockingly, we don't think scripturally about it. Look at these passages about sex in the Bible:

God created sex as a blessing

Genesis 1:28 "God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number..."

It is to be enjoyed

Proverbs 5:18-19 "Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, 

beautiful as a rose - don't ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!"

It is a commandment

1 Corinthians 7:3 "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, 

and likewise the wife to her husband..."

This is a small selection of positive descriptions of sex in the Bible. How often do we advertise the negatives about sex, such as STD's, unplanned pregnancy, heartbreak, etc. without bringing up the positives about sex to our youth? Now, I'm not saying that explaining the negative effects of mis-using sex should be tossed out the window, but what kind of message does it give our students when we place so much emphasis on the wrong way without explaining the Godly way? The answer is an unbalanced view of sex that does way more harm than good.

Let's be honest here. You cannot cut the sexual feelings/thoughts/actions out of an adolescent teenagers life (just think back to your teenage days and I think you'll agree with me). Their bodies are changing. Their hormones are raging. So why do we try to go at it in that way? Rather, what I recommend is to establish open conversation about sex. Here is an example of a positive conversation you can start to have with your son or daughter about sex. I hope that this will be a step in the right direction to helping our youth begin to see sex in a pure and positive light the way God intended it to be.

Read Genesis 2:18-25. Discuss these questions:

1) Why do you think that the solution for the loneliness of man was woman? How are man and woman amazing companions for each other?

2) How difficult do you think it was for Adam to be lonely, waiting for physical companionship in his life? How was God's provision for Adam a sign for us to patiently wait for His provision in our own lives?

3) In what ways does sexual intimacy "unite" a man and woman together? How does this deepen the relationship of a husband and wife?

4) Since we read here that God created sex for man and woman in the context of marriage, how do you think God views sex? Do you believe He created it as a positive or negative aspect of our lives?

Waiting, Dating & Mating

This past Sunday marked the start of our Waiting, Dating & Mating series. I love this series for several reasons:

1) Students get excited to talk about sex.
2) I get to dispel myths and rumors that our culture tells our youth about sex.
3) God's gift of sex for our enjoyment can be a blessing when done right and curse when misused. I want to teach our students how to make it a blessing.

We will be in this series for the next few weeks, and please email me or call me at the church if you have questions related to the content, or if a question comes up with your son or daughter that you would like help answering.

For now, I want to give you a little insight. I gave our students the opportunity to anonymously text in their questions about sex and relationships. While all of these questions will still be anonymous, I want to share their questions with you so you can see what's on their minds. Use these questions as conversation starters with your students during this series.

-Do you consider looking at other women with lust cheating?
-What if you are engaged, is it okay to have sex then?
-Are fetishes bad?
-Is it awkward on your honeymoon?
-What about female masturbation?
-Is it awkward the first time?
-Do you believe sex includes making out with someone?
-Do you believe asexuality exists?
-What if who you are dating has already had sex or has an STD?
-How do you defend not having sex to your peers?
-What if you don't get married?
-How do you balance your love for someone with your love for God?
-How do you change the way you think about people sexually? Is there a strategy?
-Is oral sex considered sex?